I feel like such a porn star

Not so long ago River said something about me spanking her. Like she wanted me to, or like I wanted to. That’s strange. I don’t think I’d ever mentioned it before. Neither of us has any propensity toward that sort of thing. But since she opened the door, why not? Even though it didn’t seem likely she’d actually remember saying it if I wanted to give it a try.

She did remember. We were doing low doggy off the side of the bed. “I’m going to give this a try.” And she knew what I was talking about. Right hand comes down on her right butt cheek. Whump. Not so effective. Like I said, I really don’t have a propensity for this sort of thing. Right hand comes down on her left butt cheek. A little better. Maybe. Not getting the proper smack though. “Try a little higher on my butt.” My hand whips down. Smack! There it is. Maybe I can get it again. Smack! I can. “I feel like such a porn star.” Smacking her ass cross-handed while I fuck her from behind. What am I gonna do next, pull out and thwap her with my cock? Feeling like a porn star is not a good thing.

“Is it doing anything for you?” “No.” “Maybe I’m not doing it hard enough.” “It’s hard enough.” “You want to know something?” “What?” “It’s not doing anything for me either.” Except making me feel like a dick.

It does

“That shirt is always distracting.” It’s because of the plethora of words on it, but I’m going to pretend it’s something else. “Yeah, this is the shirt I was wearing when a co-worker said I was looking buff. I can see how looking buff could be distracting.” I throw my chest out and suck it in down below. “If you can’t make your biceps bigger, make your shirt smaller. Hey, maybe that would work for your boobs!”

Getting things started

I tried to get things started this morning, moving River’s hand down to my erection when we were still in bed. It’s nice when she touches me, just grabbing my cock, feeling up and down. I’d just gotten around to reminding her she could get on it if she wanted when we were interrupted. Oh well.

I make my usual Saturday morning eggless waffles for the kids. River has to go to the store because she’s out of coffee. I’m glad I don’t drink the stuff. “I have to change out of these wet pants first.” “Did I make you wet?” “Why don’t you find out?” She slips her pants down over her ass and leans forward. My left hand migrates into the territory of her curves. “A little further back.” You’d think I’d know this stuff by now. I need a better mental map of her terrain. I pull my finger back along her groove until it hits her well of wetness. “Feels pretty good to me.” My cock starts to respond. “But if the waffles taste like pussy it’s your fault.” “The next one’s for you.”

Time and energy

River is upstairs, ostensibly studying. I take a break and join her. I think she’s facebooking instead of studying. I’m pretty much ok now when she uses it, but I still don’t like to go near it myself. Something has her googling a Mythbusters fart chair. Now shes watching a video. “See? I’ve always got energy for wasting time.” Time and energy? She’s complained that sex takes too much of both. I see my opening. “Can I interest you in wasting some time with me?” “Can’t you always?” Well, no, I can’t. Not when there’s a flaming fart video to watch.

In a humorous vein

River is chattering about something while playing with herself.

“I need to get better at feeling these things.”
Me too. Hopefully I can get more practice in soon.

“Sometimes when you tap them they pop up.”
Fascinating! I can’t wait to give it a try.

“It’s not good when they roll away from you.”
Yeah, that’s a sure sign things aren’t going where I want them to go.

“I’m talking about veins. In your arm and hand. For IVs.”
Oh. Right. I knew that.

Birds and bees

“I was telling Brook about the birds and the bees.” That’s River talking. It’s good to stay in sync on these these things, so I ask what she knows now. “I talked about how a boy’s penis goes in a girl’s vagina, and they rub them together, and it feels nice, and that’s how they make babies. It’s kind of like doing the humpy-bumpy together.” That’s what we call it when she rubs her button. “What did she think?” “She hid under the covers.”

I remind River that no one ever told me this stuff. I knew about the penis in the vagina from 4th grade sex ed, but didn’t know about the rubbing them together until I had my first (unintentional) orgasm and ejaculation. “I was 15, I think.” “That seems kind of late.” “Well it’s not like teenage boys sat around and talked about this stuff.” At least not the ones that I hung out with. “I just thought you’d get random erections, and it would feel good to touch them.” Not so much. It wasn’t until I was face down on my bed with my erection in something tight and slippery that I instinctually figured out the rubbing together part. And wanted to do it again.