Today River says she only likes doing it, by which she means fucking, because she likes me. I sort of knew that, but today I’m thinking about it. I’m not sure quite how I feel about that but my first reaction is that I don’t like it, and it doesn’t make me feel too good.
I think I’d rather have a sweetie that likes doing it and likes doing it with me best of all. It’s kind of depressing to think of her happily not doing it for the rest of her life if I suddenly snuff it.
She says she likes it, and she certainly seems to most of the time, but rightly or wrongly what she says gives me this feeling that she only likes it because it placates me or something. No, she says she wants to have a full relationship with me that includes sex. But when I’m dearly departed she’ll be happy not having that kind of relationship with anybody. And not having sex with anybody.
I always look for analogies to try to understand things better. So I think, that’s like me saying I only like drinking wine because I like her. That doesn’t help at all because it’s true that I really have no use for drinking except it’s something I like to do with her. If she bit it I would happily live the rest of my life without drinking. Well, I wouldn’t be happy at all if she bit it, but not drinking wouldn’t make it worse.
So how about, I only like remodeling the bathroom because I like River? I’ve only got two analogies but I’m noticing a pattern here. River looks at sex the way I look at remodeling the bathroom.
I was right. I don’t like that at all.
Now I wonder if people look at our new bathroom and think wow, Reed and River must have some pretty great sex.